"This Classy & Sassy Carolina girl...."

So yesterday, July 30, 2010 will forever be marked in my book as the day I became a MS.!!! (It's also my Mom's birthday!!)

Yes, July 30, 2010 "this Classy & Sassy Carolina girl declared her independence! By state of SC she is no longer a 'Mrs.'"!! The last 5 years of my life finally came to a triumphant close! I can't tell you how freeing that day felt!! I really thought I'd be a little sad but I was on Cloud 9 ALL day!! I was a little nervous at first but it was because of having to see my ex rather than the actual court hearing! It really seemed at times that that day would never come!! I went through hell to get there (yes, I said hell) but God held on to me and pulled me through every trial, even when I couldn't see Him working! He surrounded me with awesome people the last almost 2 years specifically because he knew just how much I would need those people in my life through this journey! I am so thankful for Catalyst--my church--who have picked me up and carried me through more times than I can count when I didn't think I could make it; when I wanted to give up and quit!! The love, encouragement, hope, laughs, tears, and joy that we've shared have been more than I ever imagined!! 

There is are still many loose ends right now and the journey is far from over, but the divorce is final and that is a huge chapter that needed to close! Yes, my marriage ended in divorce but that's okay! I am a much better and happier person because of that! God has taught me a lot and truly I would do it all over again to become the person I am today.

I am excited, nervous, scared, and completely unsure of my next few steps in life. Right now I am still trying for that better/2nd job, and I'm in the process of transferring stuff to TTC and changing my major to Associate in Arts instead of business. I am probably, no, not probably, I AM going to lose the house one way or another. Whether I sell it, short sale it, or let it go to foreclosure, on my income I cannot afford it. I have kept it as long as possible, and now I have to be graceful as I let it go. Granted there are still a few things that could work out that would make it possible to keep it another few months but ultimately I have to get out. I just don't know exactly where to go or what to do. Rent is not cheap around here nor are there very many "good" places to rent at. I've been looking at other possibilities too but nothing has come as of yet.

I know exactly what I would like to happen, but right now it almost seems impossible. Well it does seem impossible! I keep saying I'd like to move out of town and experience something new. But I think I'm afraid that I would do that and then it wouldn't work out and I'd be stuck.  But on the other hand, I don't want to get 5 or 10 years down the road wishing I would've done this and regretting that I didn't!!!! Argh!! Decisions!!

We'll see what pans out I guess. I'd like to pick up my writing career again too! Hoping to take some creative writing/journalism courses when I transfer to tech and get my cores out of the way!

I have found a new verse that has beautiful meaning to my life. Psalm 18:19 says, "He delivered me because He delighted in me."  And an old favorite is Psalm 121: 1-2, " I will lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and earth."

My new "life" quote is as follows:

"Dance like nobody's watching. Love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's heaven on earth. Dance. Live. Laugh. Love. Sing."

Absolute Frustration

Why does it seem like the harder I try to keep my head above water the deeper I sink? I just feel like the harder I try to work , and the harder I try to better my life I keep hitting roadblocks!! I'm so frustrated with it and so freakin' tired of it! I'm really, really at a loss as to what to do with my house, with my job situation, with not making enough money to pay the bills, with knowing I can't afford my house....with knowing that there are tons of job opportunities making decent money but that would require a move out of town for me. Trust me, I've considered it. I have GOT to find SOMETHING that will enable me to get back on my feet. Frankly, I'm sick of living paycheck to paycheck and then not even making it with that. Some people have said in the past that I shouldn't live beyond my means. Well, excuse me, but I am most certainly not. I do not have cable TV, I do not have a gym membership, I don't go on fancy vacations, I hardly buy name brand items unless it is on sale, with a coupon and at a really good deal. I have my nails done once a month for ME because it is something for ME and makes me feel pretty, and because everyone has to have something that you do for yourself. I can't help it that I have a rip off of a mortgage payment, and utilities and such on top of that.
Argh!! Sorry for venting!! I'm just at a total loss right now. I feel so useless and I feel like no matter how hard I try it isn't enough. What's a girl to do!???!!!

On my mind..

There is so much heartache surrounding the ones I love! It seems that every day I hear of something else happening to one of my dear ones! I am praying hard for all them and praying God can use me to comfort and encourage them!

Why does it seem like as soon as things have picked up and the pieces have started to be put back together that the whole thing falls apart again??

There's a spot in my life in which I have been extremely on cloud nine for more than a month now! That one chapter of my life..? Yeah its almost over and done with!! But the next chapter has already opened and unfolded some! That part of my life is amazing! It's an adventure I've enjoyed exploring and hope and pray there are more exciting adventures ahead on this journey! Monkey wrenches keep getting thrown in but I pray they are overcome! More about it to come in a future post!

However most of the rest of it....(not all!!) seems to keep dragging me under!! I am now in frantic search for better/more income. I keep trying to pick up hours at work, as stressed out as that place makes me (no offense to anyone I work with who might be reading this), and I keep sending my resume in to job postings. Now a good portion of this could have been prevented or fixed early on if I hadn't been so lazy and gotten a 2nd job last summer. But thats just the bottom line, I've been lazy about it. Hoping it would work out but not completely willing to rearrange my schedule to do so. (Not that I have a strict schedule or anything!). So now I'm busting my booty trying to figure out income.

I will admit although I am happy for them, I do get a bit jealous of my friends who seem to have it all working out for them. Seems like everyone but me is finding that perfect job, or that perfect house, or managing vacations to cool places or whatnot. I guess I just haven't been 'after it" enough. Maybe I haven't looked in the right places yet. But what are those places? I'll be putting out resumes and applications tomorrow. Maybe something will happen!

Catalyst continues to be awesome! We have a beach baptism coming up the end of the month and that will be exciting and fun! I can't wait!! The youth go to camp next week and I will be helping to chaperone them home that last day of camp! Its been a long time since I've set foot on Look Up Lodge ground! Sure do wish I could go for the whole week!! Maybe one day I'll be able to go as a leader again!

I'm dog sitting this weekend for my neighbors. A young, hyper, yellow lab!! He is very sweet but he is lacking in some manners and he licks everything (ME! EWW!)!! He has to be right behind you no matter where you are and he is the only dog I know that isn't interested in a kong!! So we walk and we throw the tennis ball and we hope to wear him out each day!!  A tired dog is a good dog!!

In just less than a month it will be a year since my Papa died. It doesn't seem like it should be here already. I can still see that day like it was yesterday. And I still tear up and sob, too. I miss him so much!! He was such a huge part of my life for my entire life!! I keep wishing I could share things with him. I miss him more every day!

I've got to get back on track with eating right and Zumba again! I did well there for several months and have lost a total of 20 +/- pounds in the last year and half +/-! Still have a little ways to go though to be where I want to be. Even though I haven't been as active lately nor have I been eating well lately I haven't gained any weight back so I'm happy about that!! It was exciting to go through clothes I've held on to and find that a good many of them fit and some of them almost fit!! Its so hot out now that its miserable to do anything outside but I am going to try to get up a little earlier on my days off and walk in the early morning, and also try to walk right before it gets dark ! If not, then my 2nd attempt is to keep doing work outs inside in the AC!! :)

I have been reading the Baxter family series by Karen Kingsbury! If you haven't read it and you enjoy fiction, you may want to pick up the first book and keep reading on!! It is amazing and you will feel like you are right there in the midst of the Baxter family, through all their smiles, their tears, worries, fears, happiness, and sad times. They are amazing books! :0)

Speaking of, its off to find a glass of wine and pick up my book again!!

How I started Writing....

This was written probably back in 2005/2006. I've had it stashed in a bunch of papers and decided I should probably type it up so I don't forget!! Back then, things were different! Oh how my life has changed since this was written.  This is in the original format, has not been edited so please excuse any English errors!!

So, going back in time a little bit.....

"I began writing right before I began 9th grade. Justin was my influence to write after he shared the poem he wrote at camp with me. One day the words began to flow and my first official poem, "Friends", was formed. 
As I continued my writing, most of which is poetry, many things in my life inspired me. The majority of my inspiration was from the people I knew. Overall, Christ has been my bigge3st inspiration. Other things in life, such as nature, life events: graduation, love, marriage, 9/11, births, deaths. All those and more spoke volumes to my heart and before I knew it, I had a ton of writings done!

I am not an artist--at least not a drawing artist, even though I did take an art class!! Poetry is my art--it is how I draw, how I paint; it is the art of my heart! Through my poetry, my life, love, life experiences, and feelings are captured. 

My love for writing stems from my love of reading. i've read almost every book I could get my hands on--everything from Nancy Drew & The Saddle Club, to Nicholas Sparks, Janette Oke, and even more recently, Karen Kingsbury!

In addition to my poetry, I've also written short stories, drama's, and even a children's book! "

Easter Post

This should've been posted at Easter time......

Easter weekend was perhaps the greatest weekend I've had in a while. Saturday was work and I helped Dad load the trailer for camping. Then I took a catnap, we went to a birthday party for a friend and then Lauren and I went off to church. A surprise awaited us in the form of a T-shirt with our church's "phrase" on it! It was so cool to watch everyone put theirs on as they bought them!!

Preaching was awesome and it amazes me every week how much the message reaches far and wide.
Being that it was the first Saturday, it was Famulari's night and boy did we have a crowd! In fact, there were so many of us that we ended up gathering outside for the majority of the night. As the restaurant cleared out some of us moved inside. There were lots of good times and good laughs had that night!!

Easter Sunday was a beautiful day!! I got up early to see my parents and my sisters off to camp and I got so much done that morning while waiting for them to be ready to go!!

I had a huge surprise up my sleeve for my Nana that Sunday morning. I decided to surprisse her and go to their church's Easter Cantata!! I really surprised her!! It was great to see a bunch of people I used to go to church with. Also saw one of my youth that was all grown up!! Now that will make you feel old!!
After another great preaching service, we went to the Pastor's house for Easter dinner. The food was wonderful and the company was fantastic!! It was great and so awesome to spend some time with old friends and catch up! I had a song in my heart and on my lips the entire day!! Many good laughs were shared and it was just a wonderful time shared by all!!!

Faded Love

Amazing how things we wrote years ago in our lives fit our life today. I wrote this back in 2002. Can't even remember what inspired it back then. But as I read through it recently I realized that it applies directly to my life over the course of the last year or so!! Wow!!

10-17-02

Like cooling breezes on humid summer days,

And feathers lifting in a hurricane,

I knew your love was quickly fading away,

Surprisingly, your image left my brain.

My heart was shattered and broken in two,

I remember clearly from way back then

It felt like I never would forget you,

How could I know that’s where it all began?

Crossing my fingers and holding my breath,

I waited for that awful time to pass.

Slipping away into what felt like death

Nothing could hold me, not even glass.

Your love faded and my life went on,

Everything felt right, once you were gone.

~~J Garner 2002~~

Rambles

This was supposed to be posted back in April....oops!!

Here I sit on a Wednesday night----one week ago, this time last week I was sitting around the campfire having a good time with extended family up on the mountain! Great times, good food, and amazing people! I miss them all incredibly!! Can't wait for the next camping trip!

I have 2 weeks left of class for this school year. This current class that I'm taking is on principles of management and has been the most interesting and most fun class of all 6 that I've taken. The teacher really knows how to get her students involved and how to engage them into the lessons!

Looking forward to Saturday night to get here!! I've missed my church family incredibly while I was gone and now I've had to wait another week to see most of them! We had ladies Bible study Monday night and I ended up having lunch with one of my great friends today but I still miss the rest of them!